How Do I Learn to Love Myself?

Updated: Mar 9



Demonstrate love to others seems to come naturally for the most, but what about showing love toward ourselves? For the most, this seems to be a little more complicated.


'How do I learn to love myself?' It's a question that gets asked a lot.


The answer is: 'How do you show love to others?' Your response will most likely include one or more of the following:

  • I respect their feelings.

  • I pay attention to their needs.

  • I make time for them.

  • I make sure they feel ok.

  • I try to make their life easier.

  • I give them the time to figure out things.

  • I give them some space when they need it.

  • I accept them the way they are.

  • I appreciate their help.

  • I value their effort.

That's what loving and taking care of someone looks like, and if you want to begin loving yourself, these same efforts need to be applied to you.


It's not uncommon for it to feel somewhat challenging. Especially if you come from a long practise of ruminating and overthinking and most likely engage in self-criticism and self-blame about how you look, how you behave, what you say. If you constantly compare yourself with others, and you feel like you never reach your standard. For some reason, self-blaming seems to come naturally for the most, but it's not helpful. In fact, negative self-talk damages your self-esteem and the way you experience your life.


Show yourself the same kindness, patience and attention you would show to others. Be patient. Learning new skills takes time.

Make time for yourself and do things you like to do. Appreciate each one of the little things you do for yourself, and be patient when the results take some time to be evident.


Pay attention to your thoughts; you may be creating barriers unknowingly. You might also have an innate instinct to take care of others, and for some reason, you don't feel to deserve the same care.


Loving yourself is a choice you take every day. You are accountable for the way you treat and talk to yourselves and how you allow others to treat you.


Once you accept that you are the one in charge, it becomes a huge responsibility. However, committing to yourself is worth the effort.

"Be kind to your body, gentle with your mind and patient with your heart.

Stay true to your spirit, cherish your soul and never doubt yourself. You are still becoming, my love, and there is no one more deserving of the nurturing grace of your love."

Becca Lee

Practising self-care is a way of loving yourself. Making a habit of showing little acts of kindness can go a long way. Daily self-care helps you build your safe space, a space you can be comfortable in when life becomes challenging. It is the mental state you prepare for yourself to promote relaxation or to re-energize. Use tools like:

  • Positive self-talk

  • Practice gratitude

  • Mindfulness (be in the present)

  • Meditation

  • Self-compassion

  • Creating your Life Map

  • Affirmations apps

  • Positive mirror self-talks

  • Stop judgements toward yourself.

  • Nature walks

When you choose your self-care activity, there are some things that you need to consider. First of all, find the right activity activities; they need to be possible and affordable. They don't even have to take up too much of your time. The best option is to find something you can easily implement in your daily life, make a commitment to yourself and find something you:

  • Enjoy

  • Can fit in your timetable

  • Can allow financially

  • Have easy access to

Avoid choosing activities that are impossible to fit in your schedule, are boring or too confronting, as you will soon find excuses to skip them.

Taking care of yourself will boost positive feelings; it will help you better deal with stress, think more flexibly, and improve your day-to-day life.

In my next blog, I will be recommending some free activities you can do that might have a positive impact on you and the way you feel about yourself.


If you want to know more, feel free to contact me.

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