Getting to know yourself and being aware of who you want to be are crucial for your well-being. However, connecting with your true self and exploring your needs may require digging into a problematic past. For some, it's easier to let things happen to them rather than endure the pain of facing past challenges. Not taking on the responsibility of being in charge of your life increases satisfaction. When you feel trapped in a life that does not belong to you, it is time to ask yourself some vital questions.
Identifying your needs and priorities enables you to become aware of who you are, what is essential to you and what you have to offer.Â
This journey may involve rebuilding a different image of yourself, working on your potential, being open to exploring and rewriting your experience and allowing yourself to become vulnerable.
Embracing challenges on this journey becomes the catalyst for a profound reconnection to your authentic self, allowing you to rediscover and embrace your true essence despite the obstacles encountered.
Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
Aristotle
Becoming you: Step out from People Pleasing
How do people become pleasers? Children adapt to their environment, and if raised in an environment that does not promote exploring their needs, they learn that what happens within them is irrelevant and begin a long journey of putting others' needs first.
When children's emotional well-being is not a priority and to feel accepted, they force themselves to adapt and comply.
In settings that promote blame, shame, and guilt, a child learns how to suppress and hide sides of themselves, allowing only what they know to be acceptable to surface.
Over time, the child becomes an adolescent, and later an adult, who feels trapped and dissatisfied with life. They experience profound anger either toward the self or others, and when not, they have learned how to suppress or ignore it.
These individuals may spend their adult lives pleasing everyone while sinking into profound unhappiness. However, remembering that this doesn't have to be a final verdict is vital. Change is possible.
When becoming aware of the pattern, change is possible. It is time to take a break, reflect on the situation, set better boundaries, allow one's needs to surface and attend to them. The task is challenging, but with some commitment, it is doable.
What you fear is inside yourself...
The power to do great or terrible things.
Liam Neeson, Batman Begins
Embrace, Break, Explore, Stand: Your Journey
Coming to Terms with Your Past:
Acknowledge your journey by facing past challenges. In the past, coping with challenges sometimes involves normalising or ignoring traumatic experiences. To understand feelings and reactions in the present, revisit where these responses originated without blame, letting go of unhelpful coping mechanisms.
Breaking Free from Current Beliefs:
Reconnect with your inner self by exploring the differences between who you've become due to external influences and your authentic self. Professional help can support breaking unhelpful thought processes and challenge learned behaviours that no longer align with your current self. Recognise and release defence mechanisms set up in response to past events.
Exploring Your True Purpose:
Reflect on your life's meaning, considering values and actual interests. Challenge external expectations that may have led you away from your authentic self. Imagine different scenarios and how you feel within these. Explore activities that provide purpose rather than just pleasure, connecting with goals beyond personal happiness.
Standing Up for What You Want:
This part of the process requires courage, vulnerability, and stepping out of your comfort zone, acknowledging the possibility of failure on the path to success. After choosing your next move:
Go for it. The outcome may be uncertain, but trying is the only way to find out.
If you realise it is not for you, avoid self-victimisation by shifting the focus from negativity to positive goals and solutions.
Identify and stand up for what you truly desire, recognising its importance.
The center of your being you have the answer;
you know who you are and you know what you want.
Embracing Authenticity: Final Thoughts
Embracing your true self and clarifying your inner wishes empowers you to take control of your life. Overthinking will decrease, replaced by proactive energy.
Using a self-compassionate approach toward your vulnerabilities and imperfections, you can now extend compassion and empathy to others, acknowledging that challenging moments are part of life. You've now learned to care for yourself, understanding that difficulties are temporary. Recognising that you're doing your best, you find solace in the understanding that it's okay.
When unpleasant feelings rule your day for too long, it’s time to reach out to someone you trust. You don't have to face everything alone. Contact a helpline, a support group, or a professional. Your GP or a counsellor can make a difference in your wellbeing.Â
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